Okay, first things first; don’t call me ma’am, it makes me feel about 87 years old. Of course I will talk to him. Don’t worry about it too much, all right? I am sure you’re doing great job. I’ll see what I can do about it, yeah?
Oh, ah, ‘pologies. If it’s any consolation, ya don’ look anywhere near 87 ta me. An’ thank ya muchly. I really ‘preciate it, truly. A whole lot.
Good. I know how much he cares for you and I promised I would make an effort. Are you sure he wants to see me, though? I mean, I don’t want to upset him more.
‘M sure he’d ‘preciate it, yeah. ‘Sides me, yer ‘bout the only one he can talk ‘bout tha’ with. Could ya… please jus’ talk to him fer a bit? ‘Cause… truth be told, ma’am, I don’ know if I can do everythin’ fer him righ’ now, an’ I’d ‘preciate the helpin’ hand, y’know.
He glanced up briefly at Green when the other man pulled back to wipe at his eyes. aware his face and eyes were probably red, before gluing himself back against him. Alexander was aware he was probably squeezing a little to tightly, but he didn’t want to let go of Green. Trying to listen to the other man’s instruction, Alexander nodded against his shoulder and managed to draw a mostly steady breath on his second try, then another in quick succession. “Are you sure?” He had to start three or four times, before he managed to speak, fighting to keep himself from relapsing back into a crying fit. He hated feeling so weak and pathetic, and making Green deal with it, but the mindless reassurance was too comforting to give up. “W-when I go back to talk to him again, will you come with me?” Alexander asked hesitantly, pulling back enough to look at Green.
“‘M real sure,” Green reassured him quietly, stroking the back of his head as he kept him pulled into his shoulder. Seeing Alexander suffer made him feel like there was a heavy weight pressing down on his chest - his throat felt too tight and hot and he had to work for his hands not to shake. He’d never loved anyone more than the other man, and seeing him hunched over, sobbing into his shoulder - it gave him physical pain. “‘Course I will,” he promised, looking into Alexander’s face and reaching up to press a kiss to his forehead. “Whenever ya want ta go, darlin’. I’ll do anythin’ fer ya. I want ta do anythin’ an’ everythin’ fer ya.” He smoothed his hand up and down between his shoulder blades, glad to feel his breathing return to a more normal pattern.
Are you sure? Because if you ever did anything like that… Well, you would certainly know. He argued with his father? Oh, that is just great. As if he wasn’t plenty upset already… Fuck, isn’t this just brilliant? Yes, of course, I will talk to him? Where is he?
‘Course ‘m sure. Tha’s the last thing I’d ever do, I swear to ya. An’, uh, good. Good. He’s righ’ over here, not real far. Jus’ in one of them lounges near the library.
Alexander managed to draw in a deep, shaky breath, nodding against Green’s shoulder. “Right. You promised,” he agreed blindly, voice shaking. “I know you would,” Alexander nodded again, the crying having mostly subsided. He didn’t lift his head from Green’s shoulder however, despite the fact that it was made awkward because he was a little taller than the other man. “I didn’t want him to know, and then I yelled at him and took off, and he’s going to hate me,” Alexander managed a coherent sentence, despite the fact that it was muffled against Green’s shoulder. He let go of Green for a moment from where he had blindly clung to him so he could properly wrap his arms around him. He wasn’t sure what he would have done without Green to go to, but the other man made it better just by being there.
“‘Course I did,” he said quietly, leaning back a little to wipe gently underneath Alexander’s eyes with the pads of his thumbs before pulling him closer again. “An’ all ya gotta go is ask, m’kay? Anythin’ at all.” He rocked the other man a little, palms smoothing up his back in an attempt to regulate the other man’s shaky breathing. “Can ya jus’ gimme a few deep breaths, darlin’?” he queried, before continuing, fighting to keep his voice steady. He couldn’t react like he really wanted to; he had to inspire some kind of confidence in the other man, not break down with him. “Jus’ listen ta me, ‘kay? This is jus’ gonna be fine. Yer Pa don’ hate ya, an’ he’ll never hate ya, ya hear? Near everyone gets in spats, not jus’ you, an’ they can work ‘em out, m’kay? Yer gonna do tha’ too. Me an’ you, we’re gonna work everythin’ out. An’ ya won’ need to worry no more.”
Ah, so you are Green. Pleasure. Oh. I should have known. He seemed very upset the last time I talked to him, and I suppose that is understandable. What happened? I mean, I thought he was getting better…
Did you do something to him?
I, ah, no ma’am. I dinn’t do anythin’ of the sort, I’d never. Well, I think it most best if ya’d listen to him say it, truly. Seein’ as I wasn’t there or nothin’, but ‘parently he got into some kinda argument with his Pa, an’ all, an’ it went real poorly. He’s real upset, ma’am, an’ I think ya could… help him somehow?
Yes?
I, uh… ‘M Green, ma’am. An’ I think… I reckon tha’ Alexander ain’t havin’ too nice o’ a time lately, really. He’s real upset an’ I think he migh’ benefit from ya seein’ him, seein’ as yer his best friend an’ all… ‘Pologies. ‘M ramblin’. Jus’… could ya talk to him? Please?
Alexander desperately tried to pull himself together, letting Green’s presence hold back the panic somewhat. He wasn’t sure he’d ever been so upset in his life, physically trembling and trying not to just completely collapse on top of Green. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed into the other man’s shoulder, wishing he wasn’t so pathetic. He had told his father, sort of, and the thought of that made Alexander feel sick. He had ran out before he could actually say anything, but that just meant he would have to go back and talk to him, explain himself, and Alexander wasn’t sure he could do that.
“Don’ be sorry,” Green insisted, holding onto the other man tightly. “Ya haven’t done nothin’ wrong.” He made quiet soothing noises, hands continuing to calm him as best they could. “Everythin’s gonna be fine, jus’ like I promised, m’kay? An’ if ya need help than ‘m gonna do everythin’ I can fer ya, ya know that, righ’? Anythin’ at all. Everythin’s gonna be fine,” he repeated, cradling him closely. He wanted nothing more than to make everything in the world right for Alexander, and he had a conviction that maybe with a little time and a little bravery on the other man’s part, that it would be soon.
Clinging to Green’s shirt, Alexander sobbed against his shoulder, trying to not to shake. He felt like the world was crumbling, and like he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs to breathe, but he couldn’t let go of Green. He felt pathetic, and weak, but Green was his lifeline.
Green shh’d him wordlessly, cradling his head against his shoulder with one hand and soothingly rubbing up and down his back with the other. He understood Alexander’s panic to an extent, and although he couldn’t completely empathize with the other man, he had an impression of how he might feel. He could swear it was breaking his heart. He’d never seen Alexander this upset - not over anything.
-hugs him tightly, sobbing once against his shoulder.-
Shhh. -holds him closely, cradling his head against his shoulder- S’all gonna be all righ’. Jus’ ‘member tha’.
If you promise, then it has to be fine. So it’ll be fine.
Green, I think I need a hug.
‘Course. C’mere.
-reaches out and pulls him in for a tight hug-
Ok. Everything is going to be fine. You promise. It will all be fine. Right?
S’right. S’all gonna be fine. I promise.
It was my fault, and I shouldn’t have, but I was scared, and you were there. I didn’t mean for him to…God, not like this. I maybe could have said something or done something but I yelled at him, and then I just ran.
I… S’okay, ya hear? S’okay. Everythin’s gonna be fine. Everythin’s gonna be okay. I promise, m’kay? An’ I don’… an’ I don’ break my promises.
He asked. He um, he asked if there was something I wanted to talk to him a-about. Th-then he started to talk about you, and…
But he… he don’ know still? Righ’? ‘Cause ya… ya dinn’t want…
Was it… was it ‘cause o’ the canteen? Y’know, ‘cause… ‘M sorry. It is ‘cause o’ that, ain’t it? ‘M sorry. ‘M so sorry.
He wanted to talk to me, he asked about you, and I yelled at him, then he yelled back and I don’t remember what I said because then I ran out.
Deep breaths, right, I can’t do that. Fuck.
I… I don’ know… he was askin’ ‘bout me?
Please… jus’ try. Jus’ try fer me. I’m tryna understand an’… S’all gonna get worked out, ‘kay?
My dad, he wanted to talk to me, so I went to talk to him, then I just took off. I shouldn’t have just taken off.
Why didja? Did he say somethin’?
Jus’… try ta take some deep breaths or somethin’. Tell me wha’s wrong.
I could say the same to you. I’ve only been here about a week, how about you?
Well, Green ain’t my real name. That’d be Ellis, my Ma gave me tha’ one.
Been here ‘bout a month an’ a half, I reckon.
He wasn’t really sure why Green always seemed to find his hair, but Alexander didn’t mind. He just enjoyed Green’s touch, even just the hand pressed against his ribs enough to make him smile. When Green shivered against him, Alexander shifted slightly, concerned. “You alright?” He asked softly, sure Green would hear since he was pressed against his chest. He wished he could take away whatever was bothering the other man, despite the violence on repeat behind his own eyes. Pulling away slightly Green, he tilted the other man’s head back up with one hand at his chin and bent his own head down to press a quick kiss against Green’s forehead. “There’s no possible way I’ll sleep tonight,” Alexander admitted, though he suspect Green knew that. “I can’t turn of my mind, and I keep seeing…” His eyes darted away for a moment, not wanting to repeat what they’d seen, or mention the fact that his brain had busied itself constructing images of Green being hurt by his father.
“‘M okay,” Green murmured quietly, “jus’ my memory ain’t doin’ me any favors righ’ now.” He knew that Alexander must be having the same problem - he found it hard to believe that anyone could be sleeping soundly right now throughout the entire mansion. The other man’s words afterwards confirmed what he had suspected. “N’aw, I don’ think I’ll be able ta either,” Green admitted, smoothing his hand over Alexander’s ribs idly. Even in this state he could admire the pale softness of the other man’s skin. He didn’t inquire after what the other man was seeing - he already knew. “I know,” was all he said, pressing a quick kiss to the side of Alexander’s neck, the closest thing he could kiss granted his position. “‘M ‘fraid tha’ lyin’ here doin’ nothin’ is jus’ gonna make it seem a whole lot worse.” He could already feel the effects of this - stewing over the memories worriedly had caused more to arise from whatever depths they were hiding in, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, tightly, as though it would scare them away once again.
Nice to meet you, Green. I’m Kerra.
Kerra? Tha’s an interestin’ name. ‘S nice though. How long ya been here, then, Kerra?
Howdy. ‘M Green. S’a pleasure, ma’am.
Alexander happily kissed Green back, glad for the more physical way to show his affection. He loved Green, but he’d never been particularly good at talking through things, so the kiss, long and deep and meaningful, was just perfect but hearing Green say he loved him made Alexander’s stomach flip, even if it meant breaking the kiss. Having Green curled up against him was much more comfortable than trying to kiss him without separating, and pressing his chin against the top of Green’s head, Alexander let himself relax. He wished he could have fallen asleep like that, because Green was warm, and soothing, and he was exhausted, but he couldn’t close his eyes without seeing the attack on the canteen. Green made it better of course, having him around muted the images, but it didn’t make them go away. Wrapping his arms tightly around the other man, he dragged his fingers over Green’s shoulder blades, nearly petting him. If Green could sleep he wouldn’t disturb him, Alexander was just happy being so close.
Green hummed quietly at the hands over his shoulder blades, his breathing slow and deep as he laid against Alexander. One hand had found its way over the other man’s stomach, palm spread over the ribs on his other side, while the other stayed comfortably nested at the side of his head, absently stroking through the other man’s curls. His eyes stayed open, half of his sight obscured by the long column of Alexander’s throat, the only other thing he could see being the wall, odd squarish shadows cast across it from the nearby window. He wasn’t unfamiliar with recalling experiences with awfully precise, gory detail, but it hadn’t been like that for what felt like a long while. Now, though. He could see it all again, especially when he closed his eyes. Hear the desperate screams and the broken wails of grief and cracking gunshots so loud he could feel them reverberating in his eardrums. Watch human after mutant after human fall, injured or worse. He shivered, pressing his head down against Alexander’s upper chest, trying to banish the sights and sounds and smells from his mind. The warmth of the other man seemed to mute the emotion of the experience, like he was rewatching a movie he’d already seen many times before, but seeing bits and pieces of the canteen attack was enough to make him long for some kind of distraction.
“God, Green, you’re not needy,” Alexander shook his head, his fingers digging into the other man’s shoulders slightly. He hated the idea of Green thinking there was something wrong with him, or thinking he was something as stupid as a burden. “I love you, if you’re hurting I want to be the person that helps.” he assured him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “I know you would do the same for me, I know you would.” He smiled briefly, despite the fact that Green wouldn’t see it. He gratefully returned the kiss, squeezing his eyes shut. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but Alexander couldn’t bare to move and possibly lose any sort of contact with Green.
Green stayed silent all through Alexander’s words, trying to fathom up an answer that would make sense. Finally, he just relented, leaning up and kissing him deeply, one hand curling into the curly fringes of his hair. He tried to articulate himself through the kiss - how grateful he was and his willingness to reciprocate any and all care he received. He broke away, though, to say the most important part, whispering a tiny “I love you,” before kissing the corner of his mouth. He ducked down and curled himself into the other man, selfishly pleased by the perfect way they seemed to fit together. It had never occurred to him either way, taller men versus shorter ones, but Alexander having at least a few inches on his height made him the easiest person to lie down with. He wasn’t sure if it worked the other way around, and it gnawed at him a little, but just pressed his head underneath Alexander’s chin, like last time, and silently began counting the slow heartbeats he heard.
Alexander strained to listen to what Green was telling him, despite the fact the other man’s words were muffled into his chest. “I am so sorry I brought it up, I didn’t know.” Alexander apologized, wishing desperately he could erase that part of Green’s life. He knew the man he loved was an amalgamation of everything that had happened to him, be he was sure he would still love Green if he was a little different and Alexander would have done anything to save Green from being hurt. He pressed he lips into Green’s hair, more or less wrapping himself around the other man in an effort of make it better. “I wish I could do more…If you ever need anything, I’m here. You know that, right?” He asked, only a little louder than Green had been.
“It don’ matter, don’ ‘pologize or nothin’. Ya couldn’a known.” Green just held Alexander, more or less clinging to him tightly. He didn’t want to, couldn’t let go, the warm, comforting line of the other man’s body against his own was the most peaceful thing he’d ever encountered. “‘Course I know tha’,” Green acquiesced, two of his fingertips playing over Alexander’s shoulder. “An’ I know tha’… ‘m the more… y’know, needy of the two o’ us, or somethin’,” he began, although the words made him feel a little ashamed, “but ya gotta know I’d do the same fer you. Anythin’.” He turned up his head to kiss him, leaning upwards slightly to get the right angle, but keeping the lower three-quarters of their bodies still in contact.
“Doesn’t matter how long ago it was,” Alexander argued, his hand moving away from Green’s back to squeeze his shoulder tightly. “You asked me not to be upset, and I can do that, but god the thought of someone hurting you,” Alexander bit off his sentence before he finished talking, his voice cracking slightly as he spoke. He didn’t know what Green’s father had actually done, though he could take a few guesses, but he hadn’t known the abuse had been this bad. Rather optimistically really. When Green turned and hugged him, Alexander could have cried. He hated seeing him in pain, and it was only worse knowing it was his fault, but instead he wrapped his own arms tighter around Green, pulling him close and laying a hand on the back of his head.
“It does matter,” Green whispered. “Way it used ta be… I’d jus’ see it every time I closed my eyes, y’know. But now… I ain’t ‘membered it real clear ‘n a long time. Tha’s all I want. Ta forget. An’ you…” he trailed off, pressing his face into the other man’s upper chest. “An’ you… ya help without even tryin’.” His voice had dropped so low and indistinct that it was a little difficult to hear. Green, like most people, wasn’t fond of admitting that he relied on someone else, but the truth in it had to be said. The most anyone else had ever known about that part of his life was the simple word “abuse”, meaning a hundred different things each way you looked at it. He’d never actually spoken about the details of his past with anyone - he’d never been willing to revisit it for anyone before. Alexander was different, though.
Every time he felt a different scar under his fingers Alexander felt sick. Most of them were too faded to have felt unless he’d been looking for them, but they were all about the same size and littered liberally along Green’s back. He couldn’t breath as Green spoke. The thought of someone hurting Green, the best and sweetest person he knew, make him both terribly angry. The fact that it was his dad, someone he who was suppose to protect him, just made it that much worse. “Oh god, Green, I am so so sorry,” Alexander squeezed tightly at Green’s hand, pressing his forehead against the other man’s shoulder. He didn’t want to see the scars, it was already hard enough to shove down his anger.
“Jus’… don’ be sorry none. It’s… it’s all over, y’know. They from years an’ years ‘go, really.” His voice was muffled by the sheets a little. He suddenly felt very, very far away from Alexander; Tate was lost for a moment when he remembered the look in his father’s eye and the belt; one of his sisters, he couldn’t tell which, was shrieking and pleading and rattling at the door for him to please, please stop - Green blinked. He felt a dull ache in his throat from where a lump seemed to be growing. With a strange noise in the back of his throat Green wrapped both arms around Alexander’s shoulders and pulled himself tightly, flush against him, ducking to press his face against the other man’s bare shoulder.
When Green flinched back away from him, Alexander’s eyes widened in concern. Unease welled in his chest as it dawned on him that Green didn’t want to talk about that particular scar, and that if it had just been some accident he couldn’t see him having a problem with it. He hadn’t seem bothered by Alexander’s interesting on the scars on his chest, so that meant this one was different. He swallowed hard, fingers tightening around Green’s hand. “Of course. Anything you want. I promise,” Alexander swore, hoping he would be able to keep that promise. He wasn’t very good at controlling his temper about people hurting Green.
“Uh, these…” he paused again, still unsure and unable to look Alexander in the eye. Instead he reached back to where his hand was on his back, taking that one also and sliding it over his back, pausing occasionally. Every time his hand stopped, another scar was underneath Alexander’s fingers. They all had the same general shape, a sort of odd squarish pattern littered unevenly over his skin. Most of them seemed to be in the middle of his back, at the largest curve in his spine. His hand seemed to move to a different scar too many times to count before he finally paused on the last one, the lowest on his back. He swallowed and took a deep breath, closing his eyes tightly and clenching the other man’s hand in his own before admitting: “they’re… all o’ ‘em. They’re from… him, y’know. My Pa.” The admission made him feel like he couldn’t breathe, and he tensed up and buried his head sideways, down into the mattress.
“Just a little,” Alexander admitted, scrunching up his nose slightly despite the fact that he was smiling. He didn’t really mind people knowing, but he could never have hide anything from Green, even if it was something as annoying as being ticklish. He shifted slightly as Green tugged them closer, fitting himself comfortably up against the other man, and kissing him softly. “Damn, I was hoping it would be longer than that,” Alexander laughed, enjoying the feel of his laughter mixing with his own. The hand still against Green’s back moved slowly, fingertips trailing lightly against the skin. He paused for a moment when he felt fine line of a scar, and tracing it curiously. “What’s this from?” He asked, wanting to know every detail about Green.
“Well,” Green chuckled, eyes shining with amusement, “we coul’ always jus’ leave a note.” He returned the kiss with one of his own, tilting his head into the gesture. When he felt Alexander’s hand on a scar, one of those scars, he flinched and balked, turning his head away from the other man, the smile dropping from his face. His back was littered with them, despite most of them being very faded from time. ”I… uh,” he he began, a little brokenly, like he was unsure of himself. “It’s from… well,” he paused. He was unwilling to actually lie to Alexander, but he also didn’t want to witness his reaction should he tell him the truth. “I… um. Ya gotta… ya gotta promise me ya won’ get upset none,” he said, unable to meet the other man’s eyes as he spoke.
Alexander squirmed slightly at the touch to his hip, slightly ticklish and trying to avoid laughing. The kiss was a very good distraction however, and he leaned into Green, making a soft contented sound in throat. It was a little harder to kiss when you couldn’t stop grinning, but certainly not impossible, and his along Green’s back pulled him closer, sliding downwards as he did. After a minute Alexander broke the kiss, pressing his forehead against Green’s. “You think anyone would notice if we never left this room,” he ventured, laughing slightly.
“Ya ticklish?” Green asked, looking thoroughly amused by his discovery. Grinning, he stored this information away for later - a part of him seemed very warm and satisfied at knowing little things about Alexander, even if it was just that he was ticklish. He slid his palm over the other man’s hip, onto the lowest part of his back, before tugging him closer until he could tangle his legs with Alexander’s and feel his chest against his own. “I dunno,” Green chuckled lightly, beaming back up at his companion. “I reckon it migh’ las’ one or two days ‘fore people start gettin’ worried,” he laughed, the vibration in his chest from the sound connecting with the other man’s chest and creating a pleasant hum.
Alexander hummed happily into the kiss, marveling to himself at the simple intimacy of being so close to Green. When Green pulled back, Alexander couldn’t help but beam at the other man, glancing curiously sideways at the hand on his face. “You’re very warm,” he informed Green, flexing his fingers around the other man’s hand. Leaning forwards slightly, Alexander pressed a quick and affectionate kiss to Green’s lips and his free hand moved to find itself resting against Green’s back, enjoying the way he could feel it shift when he breathed. The rest of the world felt distant when he was with Green, and that exactly what Alexander needed.
“So’re you,” Green returned, chuckling a little. He lifted their hands together and pressed a kiss to the back of Alexander’s hand, smiling and following it with a soft, quick peck to his lips and then his chin. Despite the heat of the two pressed together, Green shivered at the hand on his back. His hand abandoned Alexander’s hair in favor for his hipbone, smoothing his thumb over the little ridge and smiling into the other man’s mouth when he kissed him again, this time longer and slower. Alexander’s presence - his warmth and smell and taste - it all settled pleasantly in Green’s chest and stayed there. He had nearly forgotten about any trouble or angst he had; the other man just made it all go away.
Alexander squeezed Green’s hand back when it fitted into his, and let himself be pulled into the room with a smile, shutting the door behind him. Toeing off his shoes, Alexander unbuttoned his shirt, stripping that off as well. He refused to sleep in his clothes, and it was a warm night. Plus, it was nothing Green hadn’t seen before. Letting his trousers fall the the floor along with the shirt, Alexander moved to Green’s bed and tugged the thin blanket down. Pressing a quick kiss against Green’s lips, he dragged the other man up towards the head of the bed.
Green watched the other man undress himself before following suit, unbuttoning his shirt and letting it drop to the floor before unbuckling his belt and kicking off his jeans. Green responded to the kiss momentarily before letting himself be pulled up back towards the headboard. He fitted his hand against Alexander’s, the simplicity of the gesture and being so close to him comforting in the very least. He tugged the blanket up around them and leaned in to kiss the other man, his fingers finding his hair while his thumb played along his cheekbone. He broke away with a tiny smile and a sort of odd awe in his eyes.
Alexander knew the way to Green’s room better then he knew most of the academy, but he followed obediently behind the other man. He was tired, the bone deep sort of tired that made him want to just curl up and forget the world existed, even if he didn’t think he’d actually be able to sleep. Green was the best person in the world Alexander could think of for sleeping next to, his presence incredibly comforting.
Green led the way to his room, even though he knew that Alexander knew how to get there at this point. He unlocked the door and pushed it open, leaving the light off in the hope that it would provoke sleep later on. He turned and snuck the other man’s hand into his, pulling him along into the room and back towards his bed - one that they’d slept in together already. Sitting back on the bed, he worked his boots off carefully before gesturing for the other man to follow him onto the bed. There was no one else that comforted him more than Alexander.
I think your room is probably the best option, considering it’s empty.
I figure yer righ’, then. C’mere, follow me.
So am I. Alright, I’m right behind you.
‘M assumin’ we’re goin’ ta my room, considerin’ ‘m the only one in there fer now?
Good. I’d miss it.
C’mon, it’s been a long day. Let’s go to bed.
I ‘gree with tha’ proposal. ‘M dead tired. Let’s go.
Of course, but I never get tired of hearing it, or saying it.
Don’ reckon I’ll ever get tired o’ hearin’ or sayin’ it neither.
No, I feel the same way. I’d be lost without you.
I know we… we said this an’ all before an’… but, well. I love you, y’know? Like, a real lot.
You’d be fine without me. You managed before.
Same as ya did, darlin’. An’ n’aw… I don’ think I would be no more. Fine without ya, tha’ is.
I don’t know what I would do without you around.
More o’ a question of what I’d do without ya, I reckon.
Good. I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep tonight.
S’okay. I don’ think I’ll be able ta either…
What about a hot shower, then bed? Even if you can’t sleep, just laying with you would make me feel a whole lot better.
Yeah, I… yeah. Tha’ sounds nice.
No, I don’t think I am either. I can’t close my eyes without seeing it.
I can’ either. It jus’… it jus’ won’ go ‘way. An’ I need… I don’ even know what I need righ’ now. ‘S ‘mpossible.
